I feel for you having to endure the depths of a depression. It can seem like there is no light at the end of the tunnel but maybe you are just in the middle of the tunnel. It can be dark and lonely but know that you are not the only one in this tunnel. Many people have been through this tunnel and it’s horrible every time but once you endure it and come out the other end you will have hope again.
In the meantime, while you are in the dark, take my hope. I hope the best for you. I hope you can find some light moments in the dark. I hope you can learn to love yourself when nobody else is showing love. I hope you meet yourself with compassion and don’t beat yourself up with your self-talk. I hope you see the good inside of you.